"How many times have you heard someone mutter: "That's the beauty of sport - it's nothing if not predictable"?
Well I tell you what, the scripts for last weekend's FA Cup semi-finals were written the moment the balls were lifted out of the bag.
Man U were always going to gently trounce a Watford side that has turned defiant averageness into an art form this season. And Chelsea, regardless of how they played, were always going to stumble past Blackburn.
It looks like we've got a Man U-Chelsea trilogy coming up. Woo-hoo. No please. Calm me down. I can see it now:
1. Arjen Robben and Ronnie Ronaldo in Lords of The Wing.
2. Mourinho and Fergie - the Two Glowers.
3. Cashley Cole and Rio in The Fellowship of the Bling
And in case you're wondering, SWP will play Frodo and Gary Neville is nailed on as Gollum.
Of course these are the moments in sport that a true fan would cherish, right? Two teams, at the height of their powers, ready to go into battle!
Well, you know what? No. I'm bored silly of the pair of them - and Chelsea in particular. If it wasn't for Shevchenko's Luther Blissett impressions I'd just turn the box off.
Even Ballack, who has spent the whole season looking like he's wading through a sea of loose change, managed to bag a winner on Sunday. I loved the way he hauled off his shirt and held it aloft as if to say: "See! I'm not here for the money! I'm here for love!" Yeah right.
As a neutral you end up permanently underwhelmed. All that cash, all that talent, all that managerial mouthwash, all those victories... and a team with all the charm of a c0ckroach. The trouble is c0ckroaches always survive, don't they?
At least Man U have mustered a swagger to go with their progress and the two R’s were deadly on Saturday. But that swagger won't get them anywhere.
They'll hold on to the Prem, but Chelsea will wind their grim, cheerless coils around the lively front four in both Cup finals and we'll have to endure a miserable evening where the immoveable crushes the irresistible once again. I hope I'm wrong.
So no, I'm not looking forward to this classic three-parter. Perhaps Liverpool will spare us.
Instead I look downwards to the basement battle. There's where the epic stories are happening. The Blades sharpening up on the Irons, Pardew's walk through the Valley of Death, Jewell's jokers throwing gifts around, and a vague hope that Fulham's board are punished for being so slack-minded as to sack a bloke with five games to go.
Now here's unpredictability for you. It'll be Watford, West Ham and Charlton who'll go down. You see if I'm not wrong."
So true!!!
btw, current standings at the bottom of the prem are Watford, West Ham, and Charlton
Well I tell you what, the scripts for last weekend's FA Cup semi-finals were written the moment the balls were lifted out of the bag.
Man U were always going to gently trounce a Watford side that has turned defiant averageness into an art form this season. And Chelsea, regardless of how they played, were always going to stumble past Blackburn.
It looks like we've got a Man U-Chelsea trilogy coming up. Woo-hoo. No please. Calm me down. I can see it now:
1. Arjen Robben and Ronnie Ronaldo in Lords of The Wing.
2. Mourinho and Fergie - the Two Glowers.
3. Cashley Cole and Rio in The Fellowship of the Bling
And in case you're wondering, SWP will play Frodo and Gary Neville is nailed on as Gollum.
Of course these are the moments in sport that a true fan would cherish, right? Two teams, at the height of their powers, ready to go into battle!
Well, you know what? No. I'm bored silly of the pair of them - and Chelsea in particular. If it wasn't for Shevchenko's Luther Blissett impressions I'd just turn the box off.
Even Ballack, who has spent the whole season looking like he's wading through a sea of loose change, managed to bag a winner on Sunday. I loved the way he hauled off his shirt and held it aloft as if to say: "See! I'm not here for the money! I'm here for love!" Yeah right.
As a neutral you end up permanently underwhelmed. All that cash, all that talent, all that managerial mouthwash, all those victories... and a team with all the charm of a c0ckroach. The trouble is c0ckroaches always survive, don't they?
At least Man U have mustered a swagger to go with their progress and the two R’s were deadly on Saturday. But that swagger won't get them anywhere.
They'll hold on to the Prem, but Chelsea will wind their grim, cheerless coils around the lively front four in both Cup finals and we'll have to endure a miserable evening where the immoveable crushes the irresistible once again. I hope I'm wrong.
So no, I'm not looking forward to this classic three-parter. Perhaps Liverpool will spare us.
Instead I look downwards to the basement battle. There's where the epic stories are happening. The Blades sharpening up on the Irons, Pardew's walk through the Valley of Death, Jewell's jokers throwing gifts around, and a vague hope that Fulham's board are punished for being so slack-minded as to sack a bloke with five games to go.
Now here's unpredictability for you. It'll be Watford, West Ham and Charlton who'll go down. You see if I'm not wrong."
So true!!!
btw, current standings at the bottom of the prem are Watford, West Ham, and Charlton
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